Thursday, April 29, 2010

Stirring up the pot....

We all have realized by now that wedding planning is not always filled with blissful moments 100% of the time. My FI and I have had a few bumps in the road and actually now that I think about it, we've been lucky enough to only have minor ones. Well, ok, one major bump. His father.

My FI and I have had two totally different childhoods growing up. I come from a very close knit family and my parents have been married for almost 42 years. His father left when he was 6 years old and didn't come back into his life until he was about 21 or 22 years old. His mother had to work 3 jobs to support him and his brother and sister so he had to grow up quickly and take care of things around the house while she worked. His father never visited and had to be taken to court numerous times for child support. It wasn't a happy situation.

He reunited with his father who had remarried and had 2 more sons. One named after him since his father never thought he would see my his son again. Anyways, it still hasn't been a happy ending and his father hasn't changed much. He never returns phone calls and they didn't even respond to our engagement party. I had to e-mail his step-mom for a response. Their excuse: they had to go to his bosses surprise party instead. I was finally hurt instead of just my FI. I couldn't justify why it was OK for his own father to not come to his OWN son's party. The final straw for me was when they asked for money from us that my FI owed them from 2002. He offered to pay them back and they refused his money at the time and said he didn't have to pay them. I was just so upset that they would ask us for the money NOW in the middle of planning a wedding. Six years later you now want the money?!

It just hasn't been a good situation and we made a tough decision to not invite them to our wedding. Actually it wasn't tough on my end since I am not really emotionally attached to his father since I rarely see him. I left it up to my FI and he wanted nothing to do with him and realized he was better off without him in his life.

Side note: his mother remarried in the mid-90's to an amazing guy who has been there for John and I can see where he gets his sense of humor from and I'm thankful he was part of his life.

I'm sure we are going to get mixed emotions about the fact that we didn't send an invitation to his father but we sent them to other family members on his side. And that's fine. We've continued to do the 'right thing' for so many years and we get nothing in return and many family members are aware of that and are supportive.

It does upset me that his own father won't be at his wedding but at the same time he doesn't deserve to.

Anyone else having drama situations with family or future in-laws?


  1. Wow. So sorry to hear about this! Must be a very tough situation to handle and not a decision you guy came to easily. Luckily we haven't had drama this intense, but we have had to deal with opinions and requests from family members that weren't always warranted (or welcome).

  2. Sorry you're in such a tough spot. It's rough. My oldest brother - well, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" right? I could really do without him at all in my life. The only reason he's coming to our wedding is to appease my parents. Once they're gone it'll probably be a different story. Yes, he's my brother, but he's really not a nice person and I don't need that in my life. I applaud you for drawing a line.

  3. I hear you BeerBudgetBride....I also didn't mention his brother not being invited as well. he's going down the same path as his father was with his own family and is on drugs and a complusive liar. It's really sad but the family has disowned him pretty much. I know he looked up to his brother and is heart broken that he turned out to be just like his father. =(

    I swear I look at him and thank my lucky stars he turned out to be smarter and stronger through it all.