5 Things...

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I spent this past weekend at my FMIL's since she recently had surgery and I learned a lot from her that I wanted to share a few thoughts. John's parents divorced when he was young and it wasn't an easy transition for him nor his mother. It got me thinking and with more than half the marriages today ending up in divorce, now more than ever, it's critically important to know how to make marriage work for you.

Here's the thing. Your marriage could be the best decision you've ever made in your life. Won't you give it your best shot?

I came up with the 5 things that I feel are important to making a marriage work. Now I know i'm not married yet but based on our relationship this is what i've learned.

1. Make a commitment to make it work

If you're half-hearted about your marriage, you will end up with a half-baked relationship. Like all good things in life, it requires your commitment to put in time, effort, nurturing.

This is not to say you have to be obsessed about it all day. But do be aware that you need to spend time with your spouse, work things out, focus on things or activities that make the relationship better and grow over time.

2. Treat your marriage like a team sport

If that's too casual for you, then think "business partnership". A good marriage involves two people coming together, planning ahead, identifying what works, what doesn't, working though obstacles, putting in the time and effort, heading out into the game (or the real world) together, and sticking together no matter what comes.

3. Don't underestimate any problem that crops up

While you don't want to turn every molehill into a mountain, be sure to assess each issue or problem area that arises. Many couple let things fester. So much so that a small problem, that could have been solved with 5 minutes of discussion, turns into grounds for divorce.

Address everything that comes up. Find a solution or a compromise. Just don't ignore it.

4. Talk, communicate, share

The most IMPORTANT thing you could probably do for your marriage is to talk to one another. Discuss things, share experiences, complain (about other folks!), even argue with each other. Couples who stop talking will find that their marriages don't last.

5. Build a house (a strong marriage) on a strong foundation

As a couple, spend time thrashing out your views, values, attitudes towards things that will affect you together now and later in life. Figure out how you both feel about children, parents, jobs, politics, the environment, and everything else. The more you understand each other, the stronger the foundation upon which you can build your marriage.

This is strictly my opinion and i'm not sure everyone is going to agree with me. I recently read a blog where a bride-to-be went through a difficult time with her FI and trying to figure out if they should even get married. My heart went out to them and I hope they both work hard to make the relationship work and learn from their lessons.

What makes it work for you in a relationship/marriage?